Jelly Belly BeanBoozled Review

I know I mostly talk movies, but I decided to review a candy that doubles as a sort of game. Remember Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans from the Harry Potter series? Well, Jelly Belly makes those, except you can tell by looking when one of them is a bad flavor. With BeanBoozled, each flavor has a twin that could be one of the bad flavors. I still can't believe I was crazy enough to do this. I also did not allow myself to spit out any of the candy. Some of the bad flavors were blessedly missing from my box, so I will not be able to review baby wipes, moldy cheese, dog food, or pencil shavings.

Vomit: This one tastes like peach gummy candy and stomach acid. Nasty!

Booger: I can't really describe this one, but it didn't taste like Juicy Pear. It actually didn't taste gross, though. I still wouldn't eat it.

Centipede: This one basically just tasted like dirt. I swallowed it with some water very quickly, so thats about all I can say.

Rotten Egg: This one mostly tasted the way something rancid smells.  Rotten egg was the worst of the bunch. I'd go through them to try and find the popcorn ones, but its just not worth the grossness. (I did go back and do this, and was lucky enough to find one popcorn flavored one. Yes, I am that crazy. I also came across another rotten egg and spit it out. I could smell the stench on the bean after I did this!)

Toothpaste: This one was actually really good. It tasted like a breath mint.

Skunk Spray: Tastes like it smells, but with a hint of espresso? This was the second worst of the bunch. It left me running for more water.

So thats my little review. I'm kind of sorry that I didn't get to try the pencil shavings one, it might have been interesting. I've also heard that the black pepper flavored one is good, but it is not featured in this edition.

Retro Views: Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night

   Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night is a film title that I've seen pop up in various places recently. I have an incredibly vague memory of seeing this on TV one night when I was five or six. It didn't leave much of an impression on me, I just remember finding it a bit odd. Since I wasn't quite sure what I had seen, I decided to give it a watch last week.

   First, let me start out by saying that Disney's Pinocchio is one of my favorite Disney movies, so of course this movie is going to disappoint me. Let me also state that this movie is from 1987, back when almost all sequels were just a rehash of the first film. Yet for all of its flaws, which are numerous, I found myself rather enjoying it. The voice cast is mostly great, especially James Earl Jones as the Emperor of The Night. Ricki Lee Jones voice work unfortunately makes the Blue Fairy sound like she's on Valium. Don Knotts lends his voice to Gee Willikers, a gosh awful replacement for Jimminy Cricket. One of my biggest problems with this film is that Pinocchio makes all the mistakes he was supposed to have learned from in the first story! Did being turned into a real boy give him moral amnesia or something? Every time he did something bad, I just wanted to smack him upside his little wooden head and yell Did you learn nothing? The evil carnival is pretty much the puppet show, an the Neon Cabaret is basically Pleasure Island. 

   So why do I kind of like this movie? I really don't know. Maybe it was the dark tone, which they did a good job with. The scene where Pinocchio is transformed back into an inanimate puppet is really intense, and has been known to traumatize kids who have grown up with the film (clip of this scene at the end of the review). Is it wrong that I love the music coming out of the organ grinder in this scene? The Neon Cabaret is also kind of cool, even if it does simply rehash the first film.

   If you like the original Pinocchio, then you might want to give Pinocchio and The Emperor of the Night a chance. Just remember that this is one of those films that is so bad that its good. And that synthesized music will never get out of your head.

I apologize in advance for any nightmares this may induce.

The Muppets Get an Encore

     Lets face it, the muppets haven't been very good over the past decade. There was a really bad feature film and several less than stellar TV specials. But I remember a time when Jim Henson's beloved creations could do no wrong. I grew up not just on Sesame Street, but also on The Dark Crystal, and The Jim Henson Hour. I had been rather irritated with the how badly Disney had mishandled the muppets since acquiring them. Luckily for us, Disney has righted it's wrong in an amazing way with The Muppets.

    The film goes back to the muppet gang's cinematic roots, most notably The Muppet Movie (1979). They even give us a rather well written new muppet named Walter. The story is heartfelt and humorous, which is exactly what a muppet film should be. Kermit is actually rather depressed in the beginning, and getting the old gang back together is a bit trickier than you'd expect. They squeeze in practically every muppet that ever existed (although I don't think Rizzo was in it.) This does tend to be a problem, but not much of one. While the presence of Jason Segal and Amy Adams doesn't ad much to the film, they aren't the main focus and do a great job with underwritten characters. The new songs by Bret McKenzie are fun and memorable. Life's a Happy Song is a shoe in for an Oscar. My only nitpicks are that the actor playing the voice of Fozzie was a tiny bit off in places, and some of the leg work on Miss Piggy was awkward (there is a scene where you see her walking away from Kermit, and the leg movement is just weird looking. No one moves like that.)

   The Muppets is the revitalization that fans have been waiting for. It was hard not to smile most of the way through the film. Jason Segal's script is a love letter to our felt covered friends, and I think Jim Henson would be proud. The camaraderie and optimism that the muppets have come to represent is at the heart of this film, and that is why it works, while at the same time reminding us of the simple truth that "Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along". 

  

My Top Five Unexpected Tearjerker Moments

Every once in a while, a relatively harmless film has a major moment that packs an emotional punch. It comes at us out of nowhere and makes us take the movie a little more seriously. Some are sad, some are happy. Pull up a box of tissues and get ready to enjoy my top five tearjerker moments. Warning: Spoilers Ahead


5. Life is Beautiful: The 2nd Half

This foreign film starts off as a charmingly inventive romantic comedy, and then turns into a Holocaust drama. The first part is just a set up for how the main character gets his five year old son through the ordeal without him even knowing its going on. I have no set clip for this one so I'll just post the trailer. You should go out and rent this anyways.



4. The Breakfast Club: How The Jock Got Detention

What starts out as a simple case of locker room bullying turns into a tirade about how the character feels about his father. Sadly, I could not find this clip, so go watch the movie if you haven't already!

3. Beauty & The Beast: The Transformation

I watched this movie again for the first time in ages this year when I got the DVD, and this scene blew me away like never before. I guess when I was a kid the full impact of the film didn't quite hit me. I was to young to understand the emotional implications. It also may have had something to do with watching this clip in the special features section first:

2. Toy Story 2: When She Loved Me

Now this one really came out left field. I think this is where Pixar began to reach both kids and adults. You know they've done their job right when you can make a grown-up cry over a toy!

1. Breakfast at Tiffany's: The End

This is a romantic comedy, a genre I usually can't stand. And it wasn't even a sad ending. I don't know why it got to me, but gosh darn it! Maybe it was the music, maybe I just wanted them to find the cat. And yes, the cat really is called Cat.

It's Good To Be Bad: 1st Installment

I'm back again! In this new series, I'll be taking a look at some of my favorite villains in film history. Please don't whine if your fave isn't featured. These are my opinions only.

Margaret White Carrie 1976

Margaret White is just plain awful. When Carrie comes home after getting her first period in the school gym showers, thinking she was bleeding to death, what does Margaret do? Smacks her across the face with a Bible, and drags Carrie by the hair into a "Prayer Closet" telling her to pray for forgiveness for her wickedness (because every woman knows that the menstrual cycle is triggered by sin. NOT!) . This woman is a grade A zealot suffering from religious mania (I will not call her a Christian, her views are cult-ish and insane).When Carrie reveals her telekinetic powers to Mommie Dearest, Margaret believes Carrie is a witch and thinks that it is her Christian duty to kill her. It really gets intense when Carrie comes home after the prom massacre and just wants her mom to comfort her. Its characters like this that make us realize how lucky we are to have our own parents (unless they are just as bad, and I hope for all your sakes that they aren't).

 

Hidden Gems

This is the first of what might become a series on this blog. I will be highlighting films that few people have seen, but really should. This entry is interactive, so please watch the posted trailers before reading my comments on the film.

5. Ed Wood

This is Tim Burton's best film. Although this account of the Worst Director Ever takes a few deviations from reality, it leaves in the more interesting facts, such as his being a transvestite and his service in WWII. And Martin Landau's Oscar winning performance as a washed up Bela Lugosi is one of the best parts of the film. Even if Ed Wood was one of the worst film maker's ever, you've got to admire his determination.

4. The Days of Wine and Roses

I know what you're going to say: "But its in black & white!". Yes it is. I don't know why people let that rule there opinion of a movie. This is a powerful film about how alcohol can tear to people who love each other apart. This is one of Jack Lemmon's best performances. My only problem was that the alcoholic ward scenes seemed over the top and uninformed. Other than that, this is a true treasure of a film.

3. The Elephant Man

You really need to have a box of tissue with you for this one. You will cry. For all his physical deformity, John Merrick was one of the most beautiful human beings who ever lived. John Hurt gives an excellent performance as Merrick and so does Anthony Hopkins as the doctor who tries to help him. This movie show us that there are still good people in this world. Its also currently available on Hulu.com.

2. Jesus Christ Superstar

The last days of Jesus are set to a rock score and told from the point of view of Judas. This film actually made me see Judas in a different light, although I'm sure his motivation in real life was probably a bit different than in the movie. The actors playing Jesus and Judas are a joy to watch and listen to. even if you don't like musicals, you should give this one a try.

1. The Who's Tommy

If you like the album, you'll love the movie! I was pleasantly surprised to see so many well done acting performances by music stars such as Tina Turner as the Acid Queen and Elton John as the Pinball Wizard. Even Roger Daltrey of The Who gives a wonderful performance as the deaf, dumb and blind Tommy. See Hollywood, it can be done! The story is incredibly moving and fun. The film is also a visual treat filled with psychedelic imagery. If you have a free weekend, Tommy would make a great rental.

John Hughes, R.I.P.

Mr. Hughes was one of the few writer/directors who actually understood the teenage characters he wrote. His movies are as funny and relevant as they were when they were first released. There aren't many films you can say that about. Thank you for making us laugh and think.